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  ​How To Plan A Date Night

How To Plan A Date Night

This course guides you on an erotic journey over the course of 25 date nights.

By date night we mean a dedicated period of time, without any distractions, where you both show up fully. Think back to your early dates as a couple. When you planned a date you probably took it seriously. You put it in your calendar, got ready for the date, dressed up a little, and showed up ready to pay full attention to one another.

We’re going to ask you to take these date nights just as seriously (so you can have maximum fun!)

Most couples have the best luck by planning ahead for date nights and scheduling them into their busy calendars. If you happen to have the time and want to explore, by all means be spontaneous. But if you are busy and spontaneous open evenings don’t just happen, pre-schedule dates, prepare and enjoy the anticipation. If you have kids, get someone to take them out of the house for the night.In short, do what you need to do to make sure you are ready to show up fully.

Preparation

It is essential to prepare your space, body and mind for a date.

Each date has different needs in terms of preparation, and we’ll provide specifics as needed. Be sure to check the Shopping Guide (you’ll find it in your Gumroad Course Library!) for a date-by-date shopping list. Give yourself time to gather the needed supplies (nothing is needed until Date #7!)

Here are the basics that apply for all dates:

Prepare The Space

Clean and Clear:

Most people find it easier to relax in a clean room. Clear clutter from the bedroom or living room and wash the sheets if you’d like. Add fresh flowers, candles or whatever brings you pleasure.

Add Comfort:

Do you need a blanket? pillows? towels? Is the room the right temperature?

Minimize Distractions:

Turn your phones off. If there is anyone else in the house, lock the door!

Kids:

If you have children in the house, you’ll have to figure out your own comfort levels. But many people find it easier to relax and enjoy kinky sex in a kid-free zone. Being alone with your partner means you can make more noise, be more uninhibited and let go more fully. For some, this means getting hotel rooms every once in awhile. For others, it is arranging out-of-home kid care and reclaiming the house as an erotic zone for a night or two.

Prepare Your Mind

Clear Your Mind:

Grab a piece of paper and write down any to-dos or lingering thoughts from your day. They’ll be there when you are done with your date, so don’t bring them to bed with you! Try to clear your head and focus exclusively on your partner and what you are experiencing together.

Get In The Love Zone:

Think about a positive memory of your partner. Think about why you fell in love with them. Think about the erotic experience you want to have in the future. Train your brain to get into the love zone as you prepare for your date!

Prepare Your Body

Relax Or Rev Up

If at all possible, spend about an hour solo before you meet up for your date. We recommend that both of you spend this time doing a body-based activity that either relaxes you or revs you up. Some people like yoga, others weightlifting. Some love a vigorous bike ride through the woods and others crave dancing to a few songs before slipping into a hot bath.

Do whatever gets your body feeling awake and ready to get aroused. You are getting your blood flowing and waking up your physical awareness. Consider it part of foreplay, as you are preparing your body for pleasure.

Get Squeaky Clean:

A good bath or shower is always a good idea. No matter how kinky you get, you’ll feel more relaxed and confident after a head to toe scrub down. While you are at it, brush your teeth and drink a glass of water.

Get Comfortably Sexy:

What outfit makes you feel like the best, sexiest version of YOU? Wear that. It could be anything from a party dress to a nice robe, from sexy lingerie to a cotton t-shirt. If you don’t have clothing that you feel sexy in, go shopping. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to be able to step into a new outfit that makes you feel confident and ready to play.

Preparing your space, mind and body is an essential step for great kinky sex and for the explorations in this course. Preparing is a way of declaring that you are getting ready for a specific experience.

Even though you don’t leave the house, the date nights in the course are special events. Remember, the more you put into this course the more benefit you’ll receive, so it is worth a little effort to prepare before each date!

Last minute check-in

No matter how well you have planned in advance, always do a last-minute check in with your lover to make sure you are both ready and prepared for the date night. Last minute distractions can always come up - emergencies at home or work, medical ailments, etc.

You may also take this moment to admitting that you are feeling excited or nervous. You may want to talk about what you’ve been thinking about in preparation for the date. Do whatever feels right to get on the same page so you can both enthusiastically participate in the experience of the date.

Aftercare:

A good ground rule is 3 points of communication after any kinky adventure: check in immediately after, a few hours later, and the next day.

Immediately After:

Allow one another to bask in the afterglow as much as possible. Take care of one another’s immediate needs: a sip of water, a blanket over a cold body or a fan on a hot sweaty one.

Catch your breath and relax without immediately trying to analyze what happened. Pay attention to how you feel.

Some people like to cuddle and kiss after a sexual experience, others want a little bit of space to chill out and relax. Just be clear about what you need and don’t take it personally if your partner needs a different method to “come down” than you do.

Focus on the experience you just shared and let your body feel it fully.

A Few Hours Later:

Start by thanking one another for the experience you shared. Then you may (or may not!) want to discuss what happened.

It is really important to ask open-ended questions, rather than assuming you understand your lover’s experience. You may be surprised by their experience.

“How was that climax for you?” - Open ended question allowing a range of responses

vs.

“That was really too hard wasn’t it?” - Preloaded assumption that may inhibit partner’s honesty.

This goes for both people - your lover may actually be shaken and nervous after giving you that intense spanking.

Everyone who explores kinky sex is opening themselves up to new discoveries - of all kinds. Be kind to each other and open to the wonder and mystery of it all.

The Next Day:

After you both have had a good night’s sleep you may want to check in again, while the experience is still fresh. This is a good time for the broad-view questions that will help you optimize your sex life over time.

• What did you enjoy most?

• What would make next time even better?

• What was most surprising to you?

• Did any emotions come up?

• Is there anything you want to tell me about your experience?

Give Useful Feedback

While giving feedback, be considerate of your lover’s experience.

How feedback is received is often determined by how it is offered. Be deliberate in your wording.

Everyone wants to be a good lover - keep that in mind as you are learning new things together.

It is a total WIN to even be exploring new realms - but expect some hiccups along the way. Don’t explore kinky sex together if you can’t handle hitting rough patches and communicating through them.

Here are a few examples. Which would you rather hear?

“That pressure on my nipples felt amazing, could you try even harder next time?”

Vs.

“I wish you would pinch my nipples harder, I could barely feel it”

“Fuck, that really hurt. I said harder, not as hard as you can!”

Vs.

“You know, I was really loving it up to a point and then it got too intense. Maybe we could build up a little slower next time.”

“What, you think I’m your sex slave now, do it yourself!”

Vs.

“As hot as last night was, you aren’t my boss right now dear!”

Be yourself and be honest- but be clear about what is a request vs. an accusation.

Remember at all times your mutual goal is PLEASURE! So if it isn’t fun, hit the reset button and start from the foundation of love between you.

Any questions about planning date nights and preparing for your adventure? Ask away in the comments below!

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